life seems to be going slower n slower for me.. the minutes in the day seems to have multiplied ten fold.. i spent days sleeping.. night wondering.. ending my night with teary thoughts.. i dun think life can be any less painful than right now.. im really as pathetic as u think i am.. i have no income.. no savings.. no future.. no direction.. i have no life.. im waitin to ord.. but once i do.. i'll become a loser who has no job.. no pay.. no anything.. haiz.. i feel sad to leave the army.. ive made plenty of frens.. i've established myself as sumone useful.. but heck.. there always sumone better to take my job.. just like in the case of me being ur bf.. he's surely better..

i cant stop this feelin.. im just amazed at how it was easy for u.. sumtimes makes me think that through out the 13 mths were the feelings really true?.. was the first kiss really seep through to ur heart?.. the first embrace linger in ur memory??.. 13 mths sure aint long.. but its long enough to see a change in people.. ive tried so hard to keep tellin myself.. that its ok.. but deep inside.. im only fooling myself.. all i wanted was a second chance.. i really dun tink it can go any worst.. well maybe on my part.. ok ok.. i know.. its a lost caused rite??.. ur probably snuggling up to him sumwhere.. enjoying ur new found happiness..

now wat shall i do.. im lost.. i really am.. y couldn't we just try again.. y u hurriedly ran away.. i really tink we can go any worst.. haiz.. its all too late by now.. must be fun in bangkok.. and perth.. haiz.. im such a loser.. ur ex bf is a loser.. u should be ashamed that ur standards went down horribly low.. u deserved better.. he's definately better coz signs are definately showing ur not, hmm.. maybe i shall used the word never.., never coming back near me..

i really till today dun tink age matters.. maybe im not tinkin of the future that much.. but u shouldnt too.. hey its ok to tink.. but not obsessively.. i know u wanna marry.. im just saying wait.. hey.. im going thru ns.. im naive.. im young.. im... a dumbass for trying again n again in every paragraph to try to win u back.. i really shuld give up.. i still love you.. i still do.. i almost celebrated our anniversary a couple days back.. yup im delirious..

my heart aches.. which i shouldn't.. i still dun get y i cant get a second chance.. i'll never see the difference between us.. u say ur stubborn.. wow.. we do have sumthing in common.. see i told u we do have things in common.. maybe u can be my imaginary gf.. the blog shall be u.. n when i blog to MY blog.. its like talkin to u.. ok ok.. stupid crazy n dumb.. im hopeless.. im still lovin the girl that i wanted to break up with.. how lame is that.. theres nvr a minute where ur not in my head.. the never a day that i dun recall ur smile.. theres never a time where i dun tink of u.. *slap to back of own self head* she's gone!! stop trying to win her back! *slap again*

see its hard.. i really love u huh.. i sumtimes wanna msg u.. ask u where u are.. how u doing.. say sweet nths.. i miss all that.. i miss all of u.. damn im lonely n pathetic.. when i do move on(hopefully i will soon).. i'll look back at this post n will definately regret being this dumbfuck thats overtaken me..

hey point of the matter is.. i still love u.. n i dunno how.. but im a try to move on while still lovin u??.. i dunno how that sounds like but i tink.. i really tink.. i wont work.. i'll be back at the saem place tom.. cryin.. wishin.. wantin u to come back.. i'll apolagise for the trillion time.. i'll say i love u for the countless time.. i do watever u want.. i really will.. but i'll never let u go so soon.. i rather die now.. i really feel like it.. u have no idea..

i love u.. hafizah bte abdul rahman.. sadly.. i still do..

"she was gone and never to come back. that was the reality. i would never again run my fingers through her soft hair, never share a secret joke across the table during dinner, never cry to her when i got home from a hard day at work and just needed a hug, i would never share a bed with her again, never be woken up by her pretty smile every morning, never laugh with her so much that my stomach hurts, never fight bout who pays for the movies. all that was a bundle of memories, and an image of her face that became more and more vague every single day. i miss u my dear. i really do.."