its 3 in the morning... wow.. wat a dull life.. things have really slowed down.. ive hand over my appt.. ive done alot of paperwork.. all i need is to clear my stuff.. haiz.. im a free man soon.. im as sad as i hate the sound of that..

wat is moving on??.. is it getting another girl??.. is it fallin in love again??.. mind you these are 2 diff things.. one guy old me to just forget bout it n to just have fun.. get another girl.. many fishes in the sea.. well.. i know that.. im reminded of that everyday.. but if i only like that one fish.. that one fish who apparantly doesnt eat fish n all of the fishy frens.. well how does that go??..

there so many diff n diverse meanings to the word "move on"..ok.. so when do i know that ive moved on??..when ive gotten another girl??.. fallen in love again??.. when??.. i realise that i din move on after xiu.. i just thru her aside at the back of my mind.. when i was with u.. i kept comparin her n u.. thats wrong.. well i can safely say i dun love her anymore.. but i cant really say that for u.. is "moved on" mean to not feel the pain in my chest anymore??.. to not cry again?? just like when i smell the whisk of ur perfume on the streets??.. when i feel ur there.. but ur not??.. i just have no effects to all these??.. well all i can say is this..

ive definately not moved on.. thats for sure.. i keep tinkin of u day n night.. wondering.. maybe she's at work.. or out shopping.. or out clubbing??.. or.. out dating??.. thats the worst.. den it starts all over again.. i found the thru meaning of "moved on" in a book i was readin yst.. yes i do read my dear.. alot has changed.. i see things in diff perspective now.. ways which u saw it.. i just wished we can see it together now...

".. to move on is not to get caught up in the love net. no. to move on simply means, to love the past and honour the past, to live in the present but to remember the past, to remeber the pain and to learn from it, to better urself from it, not to live in it. i love rose(thats the character name), but she is gone, neever to return again. i will continue loving her."

see i like that few phrases.. but the prob is with the last phrase.. i cant continue loving u can i??.. haiz.. i just wish u would drop me a msg one day.. say hi.. sumtimes i dial ur num.. but press "cancel" instead of "call".. i miss u alot.. i miss ur smile the most.. ur cracky laughter.. the way ur hips sway as u walk.. the way u tuck into my side as we walk ard town.. the way ur hand fits perfectly into mine.. the way ur head rest perfectly on my chest, when we are both standing up, admiring each others' presence.. memories sure do last a lifetime.. n with u i made a lifetime full of memories.. perfect was the word.. too bad im too imature.. i still blame myself for this failure of a realtionship.. i still do.. when i dont.. means ive moved on..

ive died hafizah.. ive died without u.. instead of dying with u..

love.